What is meant when we say “unconditional love?” Can it possibly exist? And if so, how can one actually expect to qualify it or to do so accurately? Perhaps you are thinking, “Well, if there are conditions placed on the love we extend others… then it is not unconditional love.” Anything else is not love and needs to have another name. And the idea of giving it any other name seems more like an effort for us to justify not loving some individuals or groups while loving others.
The difference between love and conditional love is perhaps best contrasted in the love between a child and parent. When a parent places conditions on their love, or only tends to show it when certain conditions are met, the child correlate love with perfectionism–a disorder that makes people so tied to outcomes that they have to try to control all of the processes that lead to those outcomes. After all, here the child is simply trying to gain approval by imitating the perfectionism being displayed by the parent, who is essentially trying to get the child to talk, act, and do things in certain ways. The problem, of course, is that the message of love being received is, “I will love you as long as long as I approve of all that you do.”
The relationships we build and maintain have the ability to add to the beautiful tapestry of humanity. But that involves us extending compassion and love to all those we meet and treating them as we wish to be treated ourselves. It means allowing others to be their own unique selves and not expecting them to say, do, or act in certain ways, and getting to know them as the truly are as opposed to how we want them to be. And it requires us to share real love with others, not just our approval.
Let go of all the expectations you hold of those you love.
Anandamayee 